Not the Achiever Type.....

I have to confess, concede.....I am not the achiever type. I don't aim to be the best, to be at the top. I never desire to be the richest nor wish to be famous. (This is not sour grape-ing, although, I do agree that many times I do get envious too. Hehehe.) My only desire is to be loved. I was the favorite girl at home, an obedient student to many teachers, well loved and liked by a closed circle of friends, respected by my students and casual to a lot of acquaintances and people. What my heart desires most, is to be loved; most specially by my Creator, my God, my Savior and Redeemer and the Holy Spirit. I know I am loved, that I have a special place in the heart of Jesus. I try my best to be pleasing to him. I pray constantly to be guided and blessed and protected by my Lord. I ask help when in times of troubles, doubt and darkness. I reach out for intercessions from our Blessed Mother, St. Joseph and all the angels and saints. This special love, I also ask for my husband Lucas and all my children and grandchildren, my siblings, and the people whom I love. I am honestly grateful for the countless personal encounters, the help He has given me in times of trouble (or even before). I have been saved, together with my love ones many times in the face of accidents and dangers. He has also given me beautiful gifts that I did not pray for. I only have to knock and ask. He always knows what is best for me.What else would I desire more..........

My life however has been marred by imperfections: When I was young, I had nightmares, night terrors and intermittent visions of paranormal faces. Could they possibly have existed only in my mind? My parents were extremely concerned  and I was so scared. With lots of prayers and personal struggles; and with God's help, some how I was able to overcome these my childhood maladies and episodes.

While growing up though, I was most of the time lazy, unkempt, dirty, happy-go-lucky. I hate doing school work specially those routed Chinese lessons. When I went to college, I had a culture shock. I realized I wasn't any good at all. In UST, Manila, I was having a hard time with chemistry, so I shifted from Biochemistry to Education. It was the easiest way out, I thought, for me to earn a bachelor's degree without much studying. Hehehe. In my heart though, I knew I could have been a good nurse or a doctor, but the problem was, I never did like burning the midnight oil. Ay, there's the rub!

When I got married to my husband Lucas Tan, I got married to the family business as well. I had to help my husband in the family store but, alas, I wasn't cut out for it. Embarrassingly, I did not even do good as a store cashier, because I simply could not stay put in one place for hours. My husband and in-laws must have been aghast that I was such a misfit.

Later, I did get to practice my profession as a teacher when my eldest son Roy was in kindergarten at CCI. I was bringing him to school and I was spotted by my college teaching supervisor from Notre Dame University, who was by then the principal of CCI.  (Let it be known that I came back to study in Cotabato when my mother died in 1971.) To make a long story short, Dr. Teodoro Carrasco offered me to teach, and wallah! Did I ever become the best teacher in CCI!!! Hahaha.

As a school teacher, my professional forte became noticeable and popular. Few years early on, I wishfully contemplated to put up my own school, but in 1993 however, I was able to see my dreams fulfilled. I was able to establish and run my own kindergarten school known as St. Martha School. It was a gift from God. Things just fell into places. Everything happened so quickly, liked a snap. (Not that I had not encounter any problems at all.) But all of a sudden, opportunities were opened. It was no easy task for I was doing all the work by my lonesome. But thank God, people just popped up to offer their help in a blessed silver platter. I had only but to put and assemble all the pieces together. And wallah, did I ever assemble and put everything beautifully all together at St. Martha School!!! Teaching was a challenging task with big responsibility, but it was great! I was a good teacher, and I was exceptionally even better running my own school. Everything boiled down to the work for which I was trained for and loved most! I need not even have to prove myself, I was just simply a natural.

But alas again, after 15 years, when the lease contract ended, my land lord and/or business associate became difficult. He wanted his land back. So I gave it up and closed shop. Before retiring, I relocated my St. Martha School teachers and pupils to CCI. Bragging aside, every school in town wanted my products. My teachers were well trained and the school kids were all smart and lovable. 

An after thought - Right after I retired from teaching, there was a resurgence of rampant kidnapping for ransom in Cotabato City. I instantly knew why closing the school was by then my only option. I verily thank God for saving and protecting me. If I had not given up St. Martha School, my school kids and myself would have been easy targets. It would have been the dead of me. Thank God for the right timing. Thank you my guardian angels too.

Currently I am 66 years old and enjoying my retirement. O Lord, do keep on blessing me and my family. I only wish to be loved by you.