Plans Thwarted....

This 2020, my husband and I planned to do a lot of travelling.....

 

First, we bought tickets for May as early as 2019, together with our daughter Martha to go to New Zealand for my daughter Marion’s (Martha’s twin) graduation. My daughter Marion went to New Zealand three years ago to further her studies on disaster management. Since this would be our first time to go the country, we also arranged a tour from Auckland to Wellington. We did plan this trip to visit Marion towards the end of her studies, so as not to distract her from her many works and commitments. But unfortunately this covid disease side steps all our plans.
But God is tremendously kind to us, and the good news is, my daughter Marion successfully defended her thesis on March 20 (on her birthday). And she was also further nominated for the university dean’s list. Yay! This was great. I did not mind that our flight to New Zealand was cancelled, nor minded that Marion’s graduation ceremony was not going to happen. I was simply overjoyed by the mere fact that she had passed and was recognized. Thank you dear Lord! The most important thing is she has already hurdled her doctorate degree and has an on going research work with the university. I don’t mind not being able to travel to New Zealand. Thank you dear Lord. Do keep her safe always.

Secondly, I booked a flight to Manila with my husband in February to attend the wedding of my niece Jacy and at the same time to visit my daughter Martha in Manila. But two days before my intended flight, I personally cancelled our trip because I was scared to take the plane ride with an unknown virus. 

Third, thinking that things would become better by March, I planned to go to Manila before March 20 with my husband to visit Martha, on her birthday and to attend the engagement party and ceremony of my nephew Miguel, subsequently his wedding to take place in September this year. But the contamination of the virus was getting out of hand and President Duterte declared a community quarantine for Metro Manila and the whole of Luzon starting March 15. My brother Wilson also cancelled the engagement party a week before the event because the parents of the intended bethroded girl were sick with suspicion of the dreaded disease. Thankfully they recovered, the father from pneumonia and the mother from mild symptoms. Joyce the fiancée of my nephew was tested negative. While thankfully, somehow prior to the engagement, Miguel had an earlier distancing, due to some Chinese custom of not meeting his girlfriend for 15 days prior to the engagement proper. Thank God for sparing and protecting everybody. Thank you O Lord.

Fourth, my eldest sister Imelda’s (Theng Theng) husband passed away from a lingering illness on March 11 in Manila. I did not go to Manila to condole and console my sister, because again I was scared to take the plane ride. I spoke to her over the phone, and reiterated that she should take care of herself. As you know my sister is now suffering from Alzheimer. After the burial of her husband, she went to stay with her sister-in-law for few days. Unfortunately, her sister-in-law did not know how to handle her, and my sister Imelda’s (Theng Theng) son, quickly and conveniently transferred my sister to a senile home, during this time of the covid lockdown, without consulting us siblings. We the siblings want to take her out but this covid lockdown and scare is hampering our efforts. We can not even visit her to know her real condition. I talked to her once but briefly, and twice with her nurse. We have no way of really knowing her current situation. I hope this covid ends soon, so we can get to visit her, or take her home to any of our own siblings’ houses.

Fifth, early on, since last year, my husband Lucas, my daughter Martha and I talked about going to USA sometime around the fall season, in August or September; to visit foremostly my son Roy in Seattle, and then fly to Virginia to see my husband’s brother, Dr. Domingo Tan and his wife Jackie. The Tans intended to do a small family reunion in Virginia. We will be meeting there with My husband’s second eldest brother Dr. Antonio Tan and his wife Peckha from Canada, and younger sister Lehua Lim from Los Angeles. But all these are forsaken now, because we have to stay home, stay put and not endanger our lives, nor other people lives as well. When this shall all be over and behind us, I think I will be scared to travel. O Lord have mercy us and the whole world.

Paranoia

I was a paranoid before, but I get even crazier ever since this disease of the covid 19 begun. As early as the first week of February, I had already lockdown my second home in Manila from visitors. I also cancelled my flight to Manila to attend the wedding of my niece in February. I was scared to be confined together with my 80 year old husband inside the airplane with an unknown carrier. Yet I attended my class reunion (with caution) in Davao on February 27 to March 1st. The “exclusively for classmates only” event was carefully planned. We booked our stay at Paradise Island Resort which had a wide open-air space and big beach area and few foreign tourists to boot too. My travel from Cotabato to Davao was via land, in a private van (Toyota super grandia). The Cotabato contingent was composed of 5 healthy classmates; thanks to Gerry Tan, who was classmate, driver and owner of the vehicle all over. Hehehe. But we can never be sure, that after basking from the sun and the sea, whom might we get in contact with when we transferred venue from the Paradise Islands to Abreeza Seda Hotel, which we also included a day tour to Malagos Farm. We - meaning 22 former classmates, all of the age of 68, 69 and/or 70. We were not all healthy, two had suffered stroke and both walked with difficulty; one classmate was asthmatic with heart palpitation, one went through knee replacement (but thankfully she was walking a lot better now), one had concurrent prostate problem, another with heart palpitation and bladder issues, and two boys who were still chain smoking. It was a good thing Davao was strict with no smoking rule, hence they had to leave us to go somewhere else to smoke. Hehe. It was a successful reunion though. Not much fun fare except to get together and keep in touch. But I was wary and scared about other people all through out the time. Nobody was wearing mask as of yet.

When I came back home to Cotabato, my best friends Imelda Bugayong and Anita Go together with Imelda’s husband Arthuro came back home with me. They were my house guests. I hosted them and brought them around Cotabato. I took care that we did not go to crowded places too. They stayed with me for three days and two nights. When they left, I was kind of feeling exhausted. My throat was strained from talking too much. My voice became hoarse. I was so scared that I might be sick. I counted the days after my best friends left since March 4. Thankfully everybody from our reunion arrived home safe and sound, including me.
But I was concerned about my son Roy in Seattle, my daughter Martha in Manila. They were in the hot spot areas. It was a good thing that President Duterte declared a quarantine early-on starting March 15, but early wasn’t early enough. Many people had already travelled and confirmed cases had reached Mindanao even Cotabato City. I had forbidden my maids to go out even before the national quarantine was declared. I gave them small bottles of alcohol and/or hand sanitizer each, gave them money to buy two cloth masks per person, to wear mask when they go to the market, to wash their hands before entering the house, etc, etc.
One night, I shedded tears over a person on tv who was in anguished because his father died from covid 19. He was distressed for his father had to die alone. He was so broken hearted because he could not even hug nor console his mother. I was so much troubled after listening to the story. After which I got scared later, because I realized I was suddenly not able to breathe well. I felt I was not breathing normally. All fearful thoughts came to my mind. But my practical sense told me that maybe  I was hyper ventilating, or maybe my nose clogged-up after crying. I tried to calm down. I did a simple in and out breathing exercise. I played my iPad solitaire game until one o’clock in the morning until I thought my breathing became normalized again. Then I fell asleep. I was so thankful the next day to wake up normal. I prayed for God to not let this fear consume me. Have mercy on me O Lord, have mercy on us, and have mercy on the whole world.

Palm Sunday.....

Few days before Palm Sunday, I was frantically looking for the right tv channel and church instructions on how to attend and participate the Palm Sunday mass on air.

Every Sunday, I usually follow the schedule of the Manila Cathedral mass at 10 o'clock in the morning which is done in Tagalog. But since it is the Palm Sunday, I am hoping to look for something that is in English instead. So far, my archdiocese and parish here in Cotabato are not able to live stream their masses yet. Sometimes they do, but they don’t have previous announcements and schedules to follow regularly.

So just then while browsing the net, our parish priest Father Simeon Samson sent feelers for those who wanted to have their palm leaves blessed, to forward them to the church. I had palm leaves at my lot, so I sent some to be blessed. But they could be retrieved back on Tuesday yet. In the mean time, what was I supposed to do while attending Palm Sunday mass on tv? Shouldn’t I have some palms with me as well? In anticipation though, I brought down three potted palmeras plants from my roof top garden to my living room. And then, thankfully, on the eve of Palm Sunday, our retired Cardinal Orlando Quevedo notified the faithful, that we can have palm leaves or any green leafy branches ready at hand while attending masses on air or online. The blessing of the palms accordingly is done during the reading of the gospel. We can hold them in our hands during the blessing which is done before the start of the mass. After learning about it, I went to the group chat of the MMLC ladies and other friends to help them out, (specially my sister Jeannette Yu) regarding the processes of the mass. For the Catholics, this Palm Sunday begins the observance of the Holy Week season, until Easter. So I happily cut the branches of my potted palmeras plants for this event, even distributed it among my house helps who joined us. Thankfully the mass at the Manila Cathedral that Sunday was in English.

The palm if you must know is a symbol of our joyous welcoming of Jesus Christ as our king. This time it is even made more meaningful, as we faithfully welcome Jesus to come into our homes and into our lives.

In preparation for my Palm Sunday mass.

 We joyfully welcome you Jesus to our homes.

 Martha’s palm leaves put together with the Lourdes’ mementos in Manila.

Marion’s palm leaves in New Zealand.

We attended the Manila Cathedral’s on air and on line mass at the same time.

Prayers....

In this time of fear, uncertainty and anxiety, I pray to the Lord to ease my nerves. Lord, do not let this fear consume me. I have to calm down. My children all dispersed in different places communicate with me through messenger. They told me, from the social media account of Father Sormani; whom they follow, that the phrase  “Do not fear” appears in the Bible 365 times. In short, the Lord is telling me to trust him everyday. How can I not trust him. For insignificant as I am, I can verily and utterly attest that He has performed plentiful of miracles on me and my family in the course of my life. Increase my faith O God. Yes! I will pray and continue to trust you Lord.

Every night I pray for mercy, for me and my family and the whole world. The next morning, ironically, I get more bad news from my city, from my country specially in Metro Manila, even from USA and all over the world. But I will continue with my prayers until the Lord shall hear us all. As a people, we need to be more persistent in asking God’s mercy for we have greatly offended him. I know he is a merciful God. He can easily do great miracles but he wants us maybe, each person to cooperate with him in our own small way. The best thing we can do right now is to listen and cooperate with our leaders by staying home. Staying home, I try my best to take care of myself, my husband and the people in my household. My househelps, they are my companions now. They are relying on us and watching over us too. We need each other so much now. Sometimes, I still continue to pray anxiously, other times I muse and think a little. Perhaps instead of desperation, I should look into the little miracles that happen everyday. For my Lord may at times show some little encouragement to us daily. Last night, I was elated to learn that Prince Charles was released from his quarantine and Angela Merkel was tested negative twice from covid. Thank you my Lord for protecting the leaders. I pray He continues to protect our Philippine president Rodrigo Duterte. Our country needs a strong and caring leader, specially in this time of crisis. Our medical health care system is not world class. How can we survive if you do not take care of us, O Lord.

May God protect our Pope. Pope Francis is currently heavily burdened by this disaster in Italy and all over the world. I try to follow him in prayers. I stayed up late at night on the Feast of the Annunciation at one o’clock in the morning to participate in his benediction. We need somebody to shepherd us. Lord, please lighten the burden of his yoke. Help him O God. Your miracles happen everyday. I will be on the look out for your great mercy. You will not abandon us your flock. As you once saved your apostles amid the turbulent waves of the sea, you will save us too. We hope and we trust in you.

Fear

Fear is engulfing us and all human kind because of this covid-19-virus. My husband is 80 years old and I am 68. We live in Cotabato, where the city is now in lock-down because of confirmed cases of people who went to Malaysia for religious meeting. Because of our age, my husband and I are one of the higher risks of this pandemic. My son Roy is currently in the Seattle area, Washington State, the epidemic center of USA. He is a severe asthmatic, he is also one of the high risks. My daughter-in-law Suiling has some kind of white blood cell ailment, she is at high risk too. My daughter Martha is right now in Manila which is the epicenter of the disease here in the Philippines. My family is dispersed in different places living by ourselves. Almost all the major cities are under lock-down. We have closed our store since yesterday because employees can not come to work and besides there is no business at hand either. Everybody is staying home. Everybody is afraid. The persons who are not frightened are the scariest contacts of all, because they are most careless in terms of social distancing.
My husband and I have been praying to God to stop this contagion. Last night we prayed the rosary with Pope Francis in Italy and our families here in the Philippines and all over the world, to ask God to stop the spread of this virus. I requested my house-helps to pray with us too. But I realized that they don’t know how to pray in English, so I printed out the English prayers for them to recite.They were shy to respond at first but they did so eventually. I am thankful to God for my helpers.

May the Lord God have mercy on us, protect us from the covid 19 virus, keep us safe and protect us from all harm and danger. Where-ever we are, whatever we do, where-ever we go; O Lord, keep this family whole and safe in your love.. Have mercy on us, O Lord, and have mercy on all humankind.

Surprising Kindness

Sometimes I get surprised by the kindness of people. For example this morning......

My husband Lucas and I went to the grocery after mass. I needed few things only so I got 2 packages of lumpia wrapper, 2 packages of green mongo, a bundle of lakatan banana, one pack of calamansi, one piece of ginger and three cans of spam. It was about ten in the morning but few check out counters were opened at the grocery and the queues were long. I was supposed to go to the senior priority lane but the the line over there was equally long and their carts were mostly filled to the brim. Then I saw a shorter line in between lanes, and quickly followed it. Alas the last cart at that shorter lane though had a sign that say “closed”. I smiled at the last person in line, took her “closed” sign and put it on my cart. I said I have only few items. She smiled back at me and said nothing.
But alas the counter girl on that short lane that was closing up would not agree to it. She said her last customer was the girl in front of me. That she was closing already besides she had already rejected other customers previously and they would be angry at her. So, okay okay, I was moving out. When I was leaving, some people on the other side of the long lane, advised me to go to the senior lane, but I said it was worse there. I did not even realized that those who were queueing on that long lane were sympathetic with me. Many said that the counter lady should have taken consideration since I had few items only, besides being a senior at that. I said it was okay, I will just look for another line. Then a young lady on that particular lane opened her line to let me cut in. I said “ Thank you, it’s all right. The people at the back will get angry.” But the people at her back which were mostly younger family men encouraged me to cut in. They all gave way to me. I hesitated but they all urged me to go ahead of them, including some other ladies in Muslim garbs agreed to let me in. I was extremely embarrassed but took their kind gesture. Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.

And to think, I have always been the kind of person, who would insist on following the rules and toeing the line. I am so much embarrassed that people has shown me kindness instead. Thank you.

Thank you Lord for the lesson I learn today.

Chinese Connections

My eyes alone be speak of my ancestry. Even though I have the biggest eyes among my siblings, haha, yet people in the Philippines identify me as Chinese despite this my brownish complexion.

My heritage is complicated:
A. On my mother’s side:
1. I am a 5th generation Chinese, descended from Yu Sui Fon (Sui Fon Sero) who married Latipa Sapi, a Muslim royalty princess from Cotabato City.
2. From this union sired Kadidong Sero who married a rich Chinese merchant named Lu Shio Khun.
3. My maternal female forebears since then had been marrying Chinese men down to my generation.

B. On my father side,
1. I am a natural born Filipino, begotten of Francisco Ledesma; who was an illegitimate child of Jose Uy (a Chinese) and Maria Ledesma from Jaro, Iloilo.
2. My father was born of a Filipina mother in the Philippines, but he was brought to China as an infant and raised by a Chinese mother.
3. He came back to the Philippines at the age of 17.
4. He left Iloilo for Cotabato and married my mother Mary Go near the end of World War II on April 4, 1944.

C. In Cotabato, I grew up in a Chinese community. I studied at the Chinese school. I speak Fujian language at home, specifically the Xiamen dialect from where my maternal grandfather came from.

D. The maternal side of my family was rich and landed. My grandmother was modern in her outlook. She sent my mother for better English education in public high school and my aunts to the Notre Dame School for Girls in Cotabato. My mom and her siblings all speak good English, fluent Chinese and Maguindanaoun and many other dialects.

E. Regarding Chinese philosophies and ideology, from my father and maternal side of the family, they were more loyally inclined to association with mainland China, than Taiwan. Yet our schooling taught us to hate communism in its entirely by the Koumintang.

F. But I am a baptized Catholic and I practice my religion faithfully.

G.  Yet there is no conflict there from all the above complex situations. We all live in harmony, together with our community despite affiliation, ideology, education and creed. Family members quarrel only when money is involved and gets really ugly into the picture. Hahaha.

H. How do I consider myself? I am a true, and blue, and red blooded Cotabateno.

Presently I live with my husband and the Tan’s family. My husband Lucas is a second generation Chinese in the Philippines. Both his parents came from Xiamen, China. He was a naturalized Filipino citizen under the new constitution during the Marcos time. He is a law abiding citizen and teaches all his children to be so. Our children went to the same Chinese school in Cotabato. But they speak more Tagalog than Chinese. They are also more fluent in English than Chinese. My eldest son Roy lives in USA and owes his allegiance to the United States. My second son Tom looks more Filipino than Chinese, even in complexion. Emil, my third son is married to a Mexican American who resides in the Philippines. My grandchildren are totally Chinese illiterate, non Chinese speaking and no Chinese schooling. Hopefully when they grow up, they will still remember their Chinese ancestry and be proud of it.

Meantime, whatever ancestry we belong to, let’s pray for China and its people. Let us pray for our own country too. May the Wuhan corona virus be contained as soon as possible. Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.