Paranoia

I was a paranoid before, but I get even crazier ever since this disease of the covid 19 begun. As early as the first week of February, I had already lockdown my second home in Manila from visitors. I also cancelled my flight to Manila to attend the wedding of my niece in February. I was scared to be confined together with my 80 year old husband inside the airplane with an unknown carrier. Yet I attended my class reunion (with caution) in Davao on February 27 to March 1st. The “exclusively for classmates only” event was carefully planned. We booked our stay at Paradise Island Resort which had a wide open-air space and big beach area and few foreign tourists to boot too. My travel from Cotabato to Davao was via land, in a private van (Toyota super grandia). The Cotabato contingent was composed of 5 healthy classmates; thanks to Gerry Tan, who was classmate, driver and owner of the vehicle all over. Hehehe. But we can never be sure, that after basking from the sun and the sea, whom might we get in contact with when we transferred venue from the Paradise Islands to Abreeza Seda Hotel, which we also included a day tour to Malagos Farm. We - meaning 22 former classmates, all of the age of 68, 69 and/or 70. We were not all healthy, two had suffered stroke and both walked with difficulty; one classmate was asthmatic with heart palpitation, one went through knee replacement (but thankfully she was walking a lot better now), one had concurrent prostate problem, another with heart palpitation and bladder issues, and two boys who were still chain smoking. It was a good thing Davao was strict with no smoking rule, hence they had to leave us to go somewhere else to smoke. Hehe. It was a successful reunion though. Not much fun fare except to get together and keep in touch. But I was wary and scared about other people all through out the time. Nobody was wearing mask as of yet.

When I came back home to Cotabato, my best friends Imelda Bugayong and Anita Go together with Imelda’s husband Arthuro came back home with me. They were my house guests. I hosted them and brought them around Cotabato. I took care that we did not go to crowded places too. They stayed with me for three days and two nights. When they left, I was kind of feeling exhausted. My throat was strained from talking too much. My voice became hoarse. I was so scared that I might be sick. I counted the days after my best friends left since March 4. Thankfully everybody from our reunion arrived home safe and sound, including me.
But I was concerned about my son Roy in Seattle, my daughter Martha in Manila. They were in the hot spot areas. It was a good thing that President Duterte declared a quarantine early-on starting March 15, but early wasn’t early enough. Many people had already travelled and confirmed cases had reached Mindanao even Cotabato City. I had forbidden my maids to go out even before the national quarantine was declared. I gave them small bottles of alcohol and/or hand sanitizer each, gave them money to buy two cloth masks per person, to wear mask when they go to the market, to wash their hands before entering the house, etc, etc.
One night, I shedded tears over a person on tv who was in anguished because his father died from covid 19. He was distressed for his father had to die alone. He was so broken hearted because he could not even hug nor console his mother. I was so much troubled after listening to the story. After which I got scared later, because I realized I was suddenly not able to breathe well. I felt I was not breathing normally. All fearful thoughts came to my mind. But my practical sense told me that maybe  I was hyper ventilating, or maybe my nose clogged-up after crying. I tried to calm down. I did a simple in and out breathing exercise. I played my iPad solitaire game until one o’clock in the morning until I thought my breathing became normalized again. Then I fell asleep. I was so thankful the next day to wake up normal. I prayed for God to not let this fear consume me. Have mercy on me O Lord, have mercy on us, and have mercy on the whole world.